


Take Me To the River

by elrhiarhodan



Series: Elrhiarhodan's 2019 Personal Writing Challenge [6]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Tailors, Charlie is and forever will be a jackass, Class Differences, Former Marine Eggsy, Hartwin, M/M, Percilot - Freeform, Reunion, River Cruise, Tailor Harry, Tailor James, alternative universe, happy endings, meet cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 20:19:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18948115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elrhiarhodan/pseuds/elrhiarhodan
Summary: Eggsy's friends pooled their money and bought Eggsy a ticket on a Gay Singles Dinner Cruise on the Thames River.  Eggsy doesn't want to disappoint them, but he knows this isn't a place for him - not among the posh wankers born with engraved silver suppositories.  But he meets a lovely gentleman, posh - yes, but kind and interesting and the evening might not turn out to be as bad as he expects.





	Take Me To the River

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kyele](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyele/gifts).



> And another story in my on-going quest to silence the You-Suck voice. These things were only supposed to be five sentences, this one's over 3k (::headdesk::). No smut, just sweet, schoopy meet-cute Hartwin (which a side of Percilot). The prompt came from my Hartwin enabler in chief, Kyele, who asked for "Gay Singles Cruise".

Eggsy doesn't think he belongs here. Not because he ain't bent, but because everyone seems to be posh as fuck and stuck up, and they are looking at him like he's something to be wiped off the sole of their shoe. 

But it's just one night out of a lifetime, and his mates had thought they would be doing him a solid, scraping together the dosh to put him on an dinner cruise up and down the Thames where the guests are exclusively gay men. Since he'd come out a few years ago, his friends have been determined to support his sexuality and to get him a decent boyfriend. This evening is their latest attempt.

He wishes they hadn't wasted their money, because no one here is going to look twice at a chav in a knock-off Jeremy Scott jacket and Adidas trainers with fucking wings on them. Besides, everyone else is so much older than he is. 

Which wouldn't be a bad thing if he'd been looking for a daddy, because there are some serious daddies here, in suits that probably cost more than everything that has ever been spent to put clothes on his back for his entire life. Pity they're probably all a bunch of entitled wankers, more interested in their trust funds and overpriced art collections than anything else.

Eggsy figures he can spend the night at the bar, waiting the evening out with a few pints until the boat docks back at the Embankment Pier.

"Well, aren't you a sight, and not necessarily for sore eyes." 

Eggsy turns around, towards the source of the posh, sneering voice. "What's it to you?"

The speaker is young – about Eggsy's age – but has the face that would be handsome on a horse. "Hmm, didn't think they allowed your kind on board."

Eggsy laughs and does his best to sound better than he actually is. "My kind? You mean smart, wealthy, and good looking?" 

"You? You're nothing but a low class chav from council housing. Your accent and your abominable fashion sense gives you away."

Eggsy sneers back. "As does yours. And ain't anyone tell you that the whole Hooray Henry thing has been out of fashion since your da did lines of coke off your mum's tits before he knocked her up in the bog at the Camden Palace?" Eggsy knows he's pushing it, but he's itching for a fight.

"Why, you – " The asshole looks like he's about to throw a punch and Eggsy's well-prepared. Years of dodging Dean's meaty fists had given him quick reflexes, which he'd honed - along with a punishing uppercut - when he'd taken up boxing in the Marines. If this bozo wants to brawl, Eggsy's looking forward to demolishing him.

But sadly, before a single punch is thrown, one of the jerk's friends drags him off, muttering about their plans for the evening after the boat docks.

Eggsy turns back to the bar and the bartender pours him another pint. He sips it and the alcohol blunts the edge of violence.

"As much as I would have liked to see you reduce that twat to a pile of broken bones, it's probably for the best that you didn't. Sadly, the company that runs these things frowns on their passengers fighting."

Eggsy doesn't feel like talking to another posh git, but he does look up at the mirror in the bar back. The man now sitting next to him is wearing a conspiratorial smile and Eggsy, damn it, can't help but smile back.

The man holds out his hand and Eggsy takes it. "Harry Hart, and you are?"

"Call me Eggsy." 

"An unusual name."

Eggsy shrugs, he's used to this. "Apparently my da called me his 'little egg' when I was small. Sort of stuck."

"Ah. And now for the typical conversational gambit - do you come on these cruises often?"

"Nah. My first." _And my last_.

"As I'm sure you've discovered, these things are exceedingly tedious, filled with horrible people, and the food is uniformly terrible."

Eggsy swallows a bark of laughter. This guy is seriously nuts. "Then why do you come on them?"

The man – Harry – stares at him for a second, then asks, "Was that double entendre deliberate?"

Eggsy hears his own words and feels a hot blush stain his cheeks. "Um, sorry, no?"

"But it's a good one. I do enjoy smart wordplay. Which is not something I find too often on these things."

"Pity. But you ain't answered my question, though."

"Ah, yes – why come – but only in the most conventional sense? Mostly to give moral support to a friend who is reentering the dating scene. He'd gone to a psychic last year – I'd thought for just a hoot, but he's taken it way too seriously – and she'd told him he'd find the love of his life while on the water. Alas, James is rather desperate, and now he buys tickets for these things whenever they're offered."

"So, you're being a mate?" Eggsy likes that about this guy.

"Yes. And what brings you on board the _S.S. Desperation_? Not to sound too much like Charlie, but this doesn't seem like your kind of thing, no offense."

"Eh, yeah, no offense taken. And you're right, this ain't my kind of thing, but my own mates are trying to get me to do more than random dates with blokes on Grindr, so they bought me a ticket. Couldn't be an ass and tell 'em that these things ain't for the likes of me."

A chime sounds and Harry says, "Time for dinner, would you like to join me and James at our table?"

Eggsy doesn't have much of an appetite. "No, but thanks. Gonna hang here until I can get off. Don't think your friend or the other blokes at your table will appreciate a chav sitting down with them."

Harry sighs. "I can only speak for James, and he would be delighted to meet you, but I'm afraid that too many of the men here would be only slightly less unpleasant than Charlie."

That's the second time Harry's mentioned that name. "Charlie? Oh, that jerk I almost pounded into a pulp? You know him?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, he is the grandson of my former employer. He comes on these things looking for a sugar daddy, since his own family has no desire to bankrupt themselves to keep pace with his appetites."

Eggsy feels an unwanted bit of sympathy for this Charlie. "His parents kicked him out because he's gay?"

"Not in the least. They have stopped paying his bills because he's a coke-head and a spendthrift."

The sympathy evaporates like water in a desert. "Ah."

"But if you won't join me, would you mind if I kept you company?"

"Won't your friend miss you?"

"He might, but this is for the best. I think as much as he wants to get back into the dating scene, he is using me as a buffer. Maybe if I'm not sitting next to him, he'll actually talk to someone else." Harry pulls out his phone and sends a text. "There. James won't think I've jumped overboard and I'll be able to enjoy my evening."

Something occurs to Eggsy. "You really bent, or are you just an ally?"

"Oh, I'm as bent as a paperclip. And single, if that's your next question."

"It was." Eggsy gives Harry a good look. The bloke is fit as fuck, that's for certain. "You ever meet anyone on one of these things?"

"Oh hell no. Bunch of wankers with silver spoons up their arses, James and present company excluded."

Eggsy nods. He feels, well, weird. This guy is seriously hot and frankly, Eggsy's always had a thing for older blokes, not that he's ever met one he'd want to drop trou for. 

"Would you like to get a breath of fresh air take a walk around the deck?"

"Yeah, sure." It's kind of warm in here and the aroma of too many kinds of cologne is giving him a headache. Harry is the perfect gentleman, escorting him out of the dining room with his hand at the small of Eggsy's back. The deck is mostly abandoned, which is nice. They get the view of London all to themselves.

"Tell me about yourself, Eggsy."

Eggsy shrugs. "Ain't much to tell. You can probably figure out what I do and where I live from how I speak."

Harry reacts like he's been slapped. "You want me to form all kinds of negative judgments on something as random as your diction? Those men in that room, those posh wankers with silver suppositories who have had their Received Pronunciation drilled into them since birth, are mostly liars and thieves; they exploit the weak and the poor to their own benefit while congratulating themselves on the millions they've added into their bank accounts. The fact that they are out and proud doesn't redeem them one iota."

Eggsy blinks. "Wow. That's quite a speech, bruv. You ever think about running for Parliament or something?"

Harry visibly relaxes. "Oh, certainly not. While my family has always deplored my revolutionary tendencies, I am far too lazy to do anything more than write heated letters to the Guardian and give away the family fortune. Actually doing something is far beyond my capabilities."

Eggsy doesn't quite think so, but he ain't going to call Harry on it. "So, what do you do? You said you worked for Charlie's grandfather?"

"I am a tailor, have been since I got out of the Army. A few years back, I bought the shop where I'd worked since - well, since before you were thought in your parents' mind."

"Tailor? Like hemming pants and stuff?" Eggsy can't see Harry bent over a sewing machine in the back of some dry cleaners, working his way through piles of clothes.

"No, a menswear tailor - my shop makes some of the finest suits in Britain. All handmade, custom for each client."

"Bespoke?" Eggsy doesn't really know where he dragged that word out from.

"Exactly, and aren't you full of surprises." Harry's smile is pure delight.

Eggsy shoves his hands in his pockets. "Might read a lot." He does, everything he can whenever he can.

"Hmmm." They circle the deck and the boat is now passing the Houses of Parliament. "And what do you do, Eggsy? Don't think I haven't noticed how you dodged my own question."

Eggsy kind had hoped that Harry would spend the rest of the cruise talking about himself, but it he seems to be the real thing, a genuine gentleman. Unless Eggsy wants to be a rude bugger, and there's no reason for it, he's got to answer. "Not much, actually. Did a tour in the Marines, but my mum asked me not to re-up. She found herself up the duff and finally decided to leave my bastard of a stepdad - too afraid that Dean would have hurt the baby. So I got out and work part time, watch my sister the rest of it. Doing some on-line courses, maybe get a degree. Would like to become a teacher."

He waits for a jeering laugh, a snide comment about failing to live up to potential, some other crap about the poor just pumping out babies and not doing anything productive with their lives. When Harry says nothing, Eggsy turns to look at him, and he doesn't see derision, just warm sympathy.

"As I said, you are full of surprises."

Eggsy can't stop the blush that rises up and covers his cheeks.

Thankfully, Harry changes the subject. They talk about Brexit and the utter failure of the British government to understand the people they are governing, before moving onto less fraught subjects, like the chances the Gunners have this season and the state of British rugby.

Harry recommends his favorite set of novels, some cheesy science fiction with dragons and Eggsy counters with his favorite movies. "I know it's like too fucking stereotypical for a gay man to like musicals, but I love _My Fair Lady_. Didn't like the book, though. Don't like the ending."

"Not many people, other than Shaw, actually did."

"People like happy endings. They wanted Henry and Eliza to have a happily ever after." Eggsy thinks for a moment and adds, " _I_ wanted them to have it."

Harry chuckles. "Me, too."

Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of an incoming text on Harry's phone. Eggsy can see that Harry wants to check it, but he doesn't want to be rude. "Go ahead, it might be important."

Harry looks at his phone and smiles. "I think it is. It seems that James has met someone and he'd like to introduce him. Would you mind if I had him come out here?"

"Not at all, want me to make myself scarce?"

"Not on your life. I would actually value your opinion on James' beau." Harry's fingers flash over the keys with a dexterity that Eggsy doesn't even see on kids who grew up texting. He tucks the phone away and leans back against the railing.

Eggsy admires how the evening breeze toys with Harry's hair, the slight humidity from the river making it curl. Eggsy wonders if it's as soft to the touch as it looks.

"You'll like James. He has a delightful sense of humor."

"Have you known him long?" Eggsy admits to being mildly curious about Harry's friend.

"Since I got out of the Army. He'd been an apprentice tailor when I'd started working at Kingsman, and we became quite good friends. It helped that we were both queer and absolutely unattracted to each other."

Eggsy has to wonder if James is a toad, but from the way Harry's eyes light up and he smiles at one of the men who just came out onto the deck, it seems that James isn't a troll at all. Both of the men, one in a dark suit and thick rimmed glasses, the other in something that even Eggsy thinks is a bit flashy, are good looking blokes. Eggsy thinks the one in the shiny suit might be James, from the way he's grinning at Harry.

And Eggsy's right when Harry greets James. James is definitely a cheerful fellow, but the man whose hand he's clinging to - and isn't that a bit odd - is kind of quiet.

"Harry - this is Percival. We were … friends … back in our Cambridge days. We kind of lost touch when Percival transferred colleges."

From the way Harry looks at Percival, Eggsy has the feeling that James may have shared some stories about the man. Eggsy also gets the feeling that Percival might feel the sharp end of Harry's tailoring sheers if he hurts James.

"And you are?" James looks at Eggsy, but there's no derision in his gaze, just gentle curiosity.

Harry makes the introduction, and comes up with a mostly plausible excuse for Eggsy's presence in his company. 

"Well, I'm delighted that this lovely man has captured your attention, Harry. Otherwise your seat wouldn't have been empty and Percival would have sat elsewhere." 

At that moment, the captain announces that the boat will be docking at the Embankment Pier in about ten minutes. That seems to put and end to the lovely privacy they've enjoyed, as the guests now seem to make a bee-line for the rails, as if they'd never seen anything as exciting as riverboat coming to dock on a small pier.

James and Percival seem to have wandered off, but Harry's still at his side. "Eggsy?"

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering, would you like to have a bite to eat with me this evening? Unless you have to get home and watch your sister?"

Eggsy looks at the other man, trying to figure out what's going on. He can't quite believe that this posh bloke wants to have a meal with him, maybe get to know him a little better. Eggsy thinks he should probably blow him off, better to protect himself from the inevitable disaster, but he can't bring himself to say no. "Actually, my mum's got the night off. She figured I might meet someone and not want to rush home."

"Well, you have met someone and I am hoping you don't want to rush home." Harry's smile is hopeful, like he's afraid Eggsy's going to say no and bolt off the boat as soon as it docks. 

"I think I'd like that. Nothing fancy, though."

Harry's smile broadens. "Nothing fancy will be just fine. In fact, I know a great chip shop not too far from here, if that appeals."

Eggsy laughs. "Sounds good." He smiles and feels a bit of a flutter in his belly, like he's just swallowed a butterfly.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Harry opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling. The morning light filtering through the curtains paints an abstract design, and Harry indulges in a bit of pareidolia, trying to find dragons in the shifting designs.

Eggsy snuffles and rolls over, tucking himself under Harry's arm. He mutters, "Morning."

"Good morning, darling. Sleep well?" 

"Still asleep, so I don't know."

Harry presses a kiss against Eggsy's temple. The skin is damp from sleep and the warmth of the room. "Do you want another half-hour? I'll get breakfast started."

"Probably should go for a run." Eggsy doesn't move.

"Or you can sleep in and let me pamper you. We have nothing to do today, at least not until dinner with James and Percival."

Eggsy opens his eyes and Harry is struck through the heart at all moment of surprise he sees in his lover's eyes, as if Eggsy still isn't sure this isn't a dream. 

"How about we pamper each other? Just stay like this for a while longer?" Eggsy sounds a bit plaintive.

In the year since the river cruise, since he met his darling boy, Harry finds it impossible to deny Eggsy anything, especially since Eggsy asks for so little and the request is so simple. "I have no place better to be then right here."

Eggsy snuggles impossibly closer and Harry closes his eyes, letting love and the quiet rhythm of Eggsy's breathing lull him back to sleep.

_FIN_


End file.
